doing better but secretly dieing

when does this pain end? really? cause i'd like to know.........i've figured out from sourses that their are a couple of steps to getting over a guy that dumped you:

-step one: begging and questions (you want nothing more then answers)
-step two: crying and sorrow (longest step, becasue once you get these answers, and you don't like them, they hurt. like hell, this is where i happen to be....still)
-step three: harted, maddness (once over the pain, you are mad. you want nothing more then to give them the same pain they caused you)
Almost over......
-step four: ready to move one (once your anger has died, you are finally ready to move on. the second step is the most dangerous, becasue some are not sad, but hide their feelings, are in denail and think they are really in step four, but only in two. this is what i thought. i swear i was over him, that i was ready for a new guy, but i don't know).


anyways, there is this Sadie's Hawkins dance, and i have to ask out a guy, but i don't know. i'm trying to figure out where i go from here, and i don't think it is fair to a guy if i go out with him, before i am emotionally ready, and still unstable with the whole Derek situation....you know?

ugh......

always,

allison :/

been a while

i haven't written in a while, but to inform you, Derek broke up with me, because of the distance....and i'm doing better, he broke up with me the monday after Valentines day. yeah. after he told me he was sending me a present. then changed his mind to when we see eachother again to give it to me.

we are sort of still........friends....or whatever....i don't think you can call me that, but whatever. Now i'm after any guy that will go out with me to fill the empty void inside of me that Derek can only seem to fill.

help

always,

Allison