just needed to vent a little

ashg;ahdsflkbjvhadsflkhg;akdsjfhglkajdsfhglkajdhf;kbajdhfklgjhadflkhgalkdsfjhglkadjsfhglkaj

that is pretty much what i am feeling right about now. im just...pissed. it was sort of-not sort of, it was-triggered by sarah and bryce. i met bryce on line, we became close then he had this accident and couldn't remember me. and since i couldn't talk to him right away, sarah thought it'd be just this fabulous idea if she started talking to him. without even asking me. its not like im possessive. i don't think he's 'mine' or anything, just she didn't even ask me if it'd be okay with me if she did or if it hurt me just slightly that he couldn't remember me, and she was going to go and get close to him like was. but its not like i wouldn't have said yes, but it is still nice to be flipping asked once in a while. and its like, now they are all buddy-buddy and it bugs me like HELL.
and if feels, to me, like being betrayed, or something. i know i wasn't. i know that. but its like, nothing can be JUST mine, anymore? is every special thing in my life forced to be shared with someone??? can nothing be JUST mine???
and another thing, whenever sarah and i talk, it feels like she always makes her problems seem greater or more improtant than mine. sure, what your going through is a tough break, but that doesn't make my issues or probelms any less important. and its not like im not happy to listen to them, i really want to, but she, subconciously, im sure, makes me feel like crap whenever i start talking about MY lame probelms.
and i don't know. im just really really frustrated right now, and feel like i need to blast loud, angry music and scream along with it.
i keep things inside, and its not good. these are such little issues to have with your best friend, but i hate confrontation, and even worse, i hate fighting. and i don't want to fight my best friend, whom i love dearly. so, in short, that is why im writing this right now.

and sarah, if you read this in the near/far future? sorry, just needed to vent a little.

always,
allison

ps. good news? i figured out this week that i need to stop closing myself to things im afraid of (as in CW, btw).

Such a Sappy Sally

ive been so.......lovie..i guess lately. What i mean by that, is, like watching love stories, daydreaming, listening to love songs, and finding love quotes to explain things, and worrying about how much he likes me too. And all I know that that adds up to, is, well, i'm "falling" again.
i know ive already technically "fallen" but still.........yeah...


and every love stories, can you guess who i'm thinking about??

and this morning, i woke up repeating his name over and over....
strange, huh??

always,
Allison




is it weird that i keep thinking about how ALIKE we are??? and how much it makes us seem more "meant to be"???

am i going crazy, or is this what people call "falling"????

author on the rise

Well, I HAVE MY BOOK!!!
It is so amazing. I am an AUTHOR. Me! And people were so excited, that we're are going to have to order more!!!! and my brain is just going wild with dreams, and hopes for the future and everyone is like, "When you become famous, i'll say i have an original copy!"
that made me feel so special, and hoping that i WILL become famous for the future.

CW and i talked a bit on Fri, but i haven't really talked to him all that much. I have a lot of things about him, but it occurs to me that if he somehow gets this adress, he can just read all of it, so yea, for now, until i feel like no one will read it, i'm going to keep it down to

YES I STILL LIKE HIM.

always,

Allison

PS. I'm now talkng to this perfect guy named Bryce who is confusing the CRAP out of me!!!

:S

crazy stuff

wow. im getting my book published!!! im getting ten copies to give to whoever i so choose!! :D you have no idea how excited i am. its like a crazy dream come true. sure i would like it to be published for real, but you have to start somewhere, right? and i think this is my begining as an author.



anyways. sarah got "frustrated" at me yesterday for being all "self pity party" again. which i wasnt' doing, i really wasn't trying for the pity, but whatever.

well i guess that's it for now...

always,

allison

you can try....but they don't come down easy

I've just been thinking about stuff. Like well, i don't really want to say it. Ugh. This is crazy. I don't even know why i'm writing this right now. You know, if he typed in the right adress, he could seriously just read everything, which is CRAZY.
Great, now I'm worried...lol, well not really laughing, more like a tense giggle. TG. that's more of what i mean when i write lol.
Anyways. i just....there are so many things i guess. i mean, im finally just letting go and letting things happen. i know that doesn't make any sense, but if you think about it, it really really does. im finally learning-and not just the saying, but its MEANING-'let go, let flow'. things happen for a reason, and im going to embrace it.
its so weird to me to think that i guess anyone could just read this. that would be rude if they knew me. even though im putting everything out on the internet to read for the whole freaking world, but here it is. have at it..........
anyways-agai-like i was saying, there are just so many things i could say. and i just wish, i just wish i knew. i wish i DID know what was going to happen, what others were thinking...it sure would make life a whole lot easier if i did.
i read Sarah's blog. she said that for some reason i don't think he could EVER like me....and she's right, but the reason is, is i just don't want to loose him. and so, i think about what if i DID and it scares me. i don't know what'd id freaking do, which scares me even more.
but the thing im mostly worried about is, sure he likes me, but im scared not as much as i obvously like him. i even turn to stupid chance to tell answer the questions only he could obvously answer.
but mostly......what will i do??????????

let go.....let flow.....


always,

allison <3

"when you love someone, you can tell.....when you're IN love with someone....everyone else can tell"

pretty much the quote of this whole damned blog. ;)

lieing with a passion

yeah. Christian was a liar, he just wanted "sexy" pictures of me to yeah......

here are a few sayings that i've come up with that are inspired by a certain someone:

"At the same time you love the feelings, you hate them because of how you feel when they are not around to make you feel them."
"You are only limited to...what you limit yourself to."
"Is is weird that i feel like i can tell him ANYTHING? And he doesn't even know...."
"I just want him to be the happiest he can be.....even if that means he's not wth me....."

well there you have it <3

Always,

Allison

long time no write XD

well, to fill in, i've just been pretty...................busy???

im a junior in high school, i like curtis, sarah's brother (though i think that you already know that already, correct, but what you don't know is that im, like completely fallen for the guy, but he has absolutly no clue), this guy named Christian off of the internet says he loves me and wants to do anything for me, and im getting all confuzzled about that, and yeah.

what else? i mean there is so much that has happened since may, which is the last time that i've written, but there that goes for now.

oh, and derek and me? we almost had a fight last time i was at my dad's house, but we're good. Me and sarah have had two fights so far in the last two weeks (but we haven't fought in so long, we kind of were expected it).

and yea. there you have it, huh?

always,

allison <3

it's like trying to escape but ending up at the begininning

he texted me yesterday. he texted me cause he was bored, and again when he couldn't sleep, and then today when he was bored.
why does he come to me for stuff like that? Why can't he go to his friends, or somehting? Does he feel like i'll always be there? or what?

can he not let go of me?

these are the questions i have........

always,

allison

I realize.....

...that love is complex, confusing, complitcated, and can hurt, but you always still want more of it.
...that no matter how much hurt you get from love, you always come back to it
...that you come back to love because not only is it the biggest sorce for pain...but always for the greatest happiness you'll ever experience.
...that no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, you always got to search for love....

becasue in the end, it WILL work out.
If everything is wrong, and bad, its not the end.

always have hope, always keep trying. It'll find you in the end....

and not always in ways you expect, and not always, rarely ever Hollywood storyline, so search for YOUR Mr. Right, not what Hollywood would say is your Mr. Right....


always,

allison

♥

sort of twisted, backasswards, and downside up

Well, I'm crying less now, every once in a while.
BUT GUESS WHAT??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Curtis, Sarah's borther, and Derek's cousin, likes me, and i sort of...well.....kind of like him too, but i really don't know why. It's weird becasue Sarah told me that everyone (her family, at least) suspected that that we liked each other, and stuff. Sort of weird.
And weirdly enough, she doesn't even care that i like him. I'm more weirded out than SHE is, but its only becasue i still just don't know....you know? And what's weirder, is that she was all freaked out when i liked derek, but for curtis? she doens't care, that she just remember....

Weird.

So twisted....

Always,

Allison

PS I think i'm in step four, but weirdly, step three didn't last TOO long

doing better but secretly dieing

when does this pain end? really? cause i'd like to know.........i've figured out from sourses that their are a couple of steps to getting over a guy that dumped you:

-step one: begging and questions (you want nothing more then answers)
-step two: crying and sorrow (longest step, becasue once you get these answers, and you don't like them, they hurt. like hell, this is where i happen to be....still)
-step three: harted, maddness (once over the pain, you are mad. you want nothing more then to give them the same pain they caused you)
Almost over......
-step four: ready to move one (once your anger has died, you are finally ready to move on. the second step is the most dangerous, becasue some are not sad, but hide their feelings, are in denail and think they are really in step four, but only in two. this is what i thought. i swear i was over him, that i was ready for a new guy, but i don't know).


anyways, there is this Sadie's Hawkins dance, and i have to ask out a guy, but i don't know. i'm trying to figure out where i go from here, and i don't think it is fair to a guy if i go out with him, before i am emotionally ready, and still unstable with the whole Derek situation....you know?

ugh......

always,

allison :/

been a while

i haven't written in a while, but to inform you, Derek broke up with me, because of the distance....and i'm doing better, he broke up with me the monday after Valentines day. yeah. after he told me he was sending me a present. then changed his mind to when we see eachother again to give it to me.

we are sort of still........friends....or whatever....i don't think you can call me that, but whatever. Now i'm after any guy that will go out with me to fill the empty void inside of me that Derek can only seem to fill.

help

always,

Allison

SECRETLY hooked

I am getting myself caught up in the show The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Yeah. It's a pretty good show....

anyways....

Always,

allison

Ps. if you watch the show, i HATE Jack, and I LOVE LOVE ben :)
and i also think amy is fake

perfectly weird, and sort of creepy

wow, so me and derek were talking, and he was camping, so it was like 30 degrees where he was. And somehow we got onto this freaking weird conversationg of s**. And yeah. Now he keeps appologzing. But, we siad we'd forget about it and stuff.

Well, I hope that conversation gets forgotten!!!!!!!!!

Always,

Allison ♥

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas and all that jazz

So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It is officially 2009, can you believe it??!?!?!

Oh, and I forgot, Merry Christmas a little late.... :) I got a new radio, but that's the coolest thing, which is kind of sad, cause i already knew about it.....

always,

Allison