Things are so different from the last time I've wrote.
For starters, Curtis has a girlfriend, and they seem pretty happy. the thing is, I don't know if it even hurts me, or I even care. Which is what confuses me. How can I be blind to liking him...then blind when i stop?
I'm so confused. I don't know what i feel anymore. I really dont'. i just want one guy that i feel like i can't control myself around, that makes me feel alive again. That I can't wait to see the next day, or can't STAND not talking to. I haven't felt that in so long, i realize. It's so weird for me. But I guess for right now, its best while I'm figuring out what I'm feeling for everyone, and if i really do still like Curtis or not.
And then theres the whole Derek probelm. Apperently he likes me again? And yeah..i don't really know about that. He's being so sweet right now--basically being a better "boyfriend" right now (though we're just friends) then when he was ACTUALLY my boyfriend--and I want to like him again. But i just....don't. I dont' feel it like i used to.
Everything is so different now.
I wanna like someone so baddd. It's killing me that i don't have someone to focus on. it's my distraction from life, and somewhere to put all my "energy"...you know? It's like...what do i have left if i don't have a guy to obsses over? My school work, friends and family. I know. But its complicated....
Anyways. Just rambling. i know I'm being kind of (ok, a lot) dramatic. But i can't help it. I'm a girl :P
always,
Allison
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