Terrified of You

Sooo, i finally did it. I finally sent a friend request to Shiloh on facebook. I know that that seems like such a small, insignificant thing to do, but it really was hard for me. I mean, i stared at that "send request" button for ten minutes before clicking it, feeling my heart race inside me and my stomach churn anxiously. Who knew something that i was describing as a "minor crush" could have such a big impact on me?
I don't know why, but i just...feel something when i think about him, or see him. I'm not quite sure why yet, but all i know is that i always want to talk about him, i look for him everywhere, i look for him all the time, i get nervous when he's around, i stumble when talking about him, and i care what he thinks about me. It's so strange cause i know this time i'm not immidiatly like "in love" with him. It's like my interest is piqued or something.
It's strange becasue usually when i start liking someone--or i realize i like someone--i fall for them super fast--or i think i do--and then i fall out of it pretty fast, but i don't want to, so i spend forever trying to convince myself that i am, when i'm not, and just waste my time thinking i am and ignoring all the bad signs, and making a big deal out of all the small, minor good ones.
but for some reason, this time, with Shiloh, I just...want to get to know him...you know? i want to know who he is, what he's like, what he does, etc. I want to see if we're a good match. I'm not basing this off of any story-book sounding fairytale like i did with Derek and Curtis. i'm not basing my whole crush off of one incident, you know? It's so weird....

it's weird how, when you like someone, and are in the moment, you are blind to everything, and then when you finally break free from it, you see all the mistakes, and everything you missed. I wonder why you have to figure everything out so late.

But this time, with Shiloh, i'm not liking him for the wrong reasons. It's not because of one incident, or because of expectations, or trying to make others happy. it's just cause some part of me is...intrigued.
We'll see how this all goes...

Always,
Allison